


before/after/always

by seungchxn



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Arranged Marriage, Drunken Confessions, Falling In Love, M/M, Merpeople, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Running Away, Smuggling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:35:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26900749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seungchxn/pseuds/seungchxn
Summary: All his life, Hyunjin has lived in the lap of luxury. He’s had people to comb and braid his hair, to scrub and polish his scales until they sparkle, to clean his room for him, to cook for him. He’s never thought that one day he’d regret not knowing how to take care of himself - but then again, he’d never thought he’d be in this situation to begin with.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 276
Collections: SKZ Fuckfest





	before/after/always

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #91
> 
> Person A is the next-in-line to be the king of his country, but he does not want this life for himself. Person B might just be the person who helps him escape the royal life.

_ After _

“Chan.” His voice is soft and sweet and hopeful and when Chan turns to look at him his smile matches. “Channie, can you come here?”

Obediently Chan walks over to him, lowering himself to kneel in front of Hyunjin’s chair. “Princeling,” he says, voice shaking slightly. “What can I do for you?”

He reaches out a hand and combs it through Chan’s unruly curls before cradling his cheek. “I love you.”

“Mm.” Chan’s hands are on his thighs; at Hyunjin’s words their grip tightens slightly, a grounding presence that tells Hyunjin even without words that Chan feels the same. He smiles up at Hyunjin, pure happiness and disbelief and joy. “As I love you.”

“Stay with me.” It’s not a question, not a command, just a statement. They both know that Chan doesn’t need an order to agree.

_ Before _

All his life, Hyunjin has lived in the lap of luxury. He’s had people to comb and braid his hair, to scrub and polish his scales until they sparkle, to clean his room for him, to cook for him. He’s never thought that one day he’d regret not knowing how to take care of himself - but then again, he’d never thought he’d be in this situation to begin with.

When his father had summoned him to the throne room a week ago, he hadn’t thought anything of it. The third son of the king, he could essentially do no wrong; rarely did he get in trouble, and if he did he usually just got off with a slap on the wrist. 

Then his father had dropped a sunfish-sized surprise on him and in the blink of an eye his world was shattered. 

Now here he was, hiding out in a cave outside of the city. This was the farthest he’d ever been from the palace - as a baby hatchling he’d only been allowed to swim in the private reefs of the palace. He’d never been outside the palace except when the royal family was involved in a parade or something similar. Even then, he’d certainly never been on his own, always accompanied by a guard. So far from home, and in an unfamiliar place, he was scared and lonely and didn’t know what to do next.

He’d hidden in the cave once night began to fall. With almost no knowledge of how to survive on his own, he wasn’t about to take any chances of being caught by a predator or something similar during the night. He’d heard the horror stories about what a shark could do to an unsuspecting mer - he was  _ not _ eager to become the subject of a similar tale.

The cave is sheltered from the currents outside, the water warm, and there’s a ledge that’s the perfect size for him to lay his favorite kelp blanket on. He curls up, using the cloak he stole as a disguise as his blanket, and drifts off to sleep.

_ After _

Chan presses him down into their bed, kissing him like his life depends on it. “Hyunjin,” he murmurs, his name sounding like a prayer spilling from his mouth. “Hyunjin.”

“I’m here, Channie, I’m here.”

“Love you. Love you so much.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.” One of Hyunjin’s hands slides up underneath Chan’s shirt, which is apparently all of the incentive the other needs to sit up and pull it over his head. He tosses it aside; Hyunjin doesn’t pay attention to where, not when there are other things that demand more of his attention.

“Channie will you fuck me?” He’s begging and they’ve barely done more than kiss, but he can’t bring himself to care. He needs to know that he belongs to Chan, needs to feel that they’re as close as two beings can be. He’d thought he was going to lose the other and even though he knows now that he won’t it still hurts. He needs Chan to make the ache of impending loss go away.

Luckily, Chan seems to be on the same page, because he nods frantically, pulling at Hyunjin’s shirt so hard he’s almost worried it’s going to tear. Finally he’s lying bare beneath a still half-clothed Chan. If it were anyone else he knows he’d feel ridiculously self-conscious, but Chan is looking at him like he’s a holy being worthy of worship and he can’t feel flustered in the face of such devotion.

“Gods, you’re beautiful.” Chan dives back in, pinning him down and kissing him roughly. Hyunjin can’t help but moan into his mouth, his back arching against Chan’s chest as the other tugs lightly at his hair. 

“Want you in me Channie, hurry up!” He’s impatient and he knows it, but he hardly thinks he can be blamed for that, now can he?

Chan pulls away slightly to smile down at him. A gentle hand cradles his face and Hyunjin practically melts into the mattress at how soft and sweet his love is.

“My darling little prince. I would do anything for you.”

_ Before _

When Hyunjin wakes up, he’s not alone.

There’s another mer in the cave, his black hair a sharp contrast to his deep blue tail. He’s nothing like Hyunjin has ever seen; his flukes are larger, his tail thicker, like it’s full of muscle. He looks like he’s made to swim far and fast, a contrast to Hyunjin who has smaller flukes and a thinner tail. His kind stays in roughly the same place all their lives; he doesn’t need a tail that lets him travel far.

“Can I help you?” he asks tentatively when it’s clear the other mer isn’t going to say anything.

“You’re in my cave.” The low growl of the other mer’s voice, when combined with his glare and muscular arms crossed over his chest (his  _ really  _ nice chest - he’s ripped and it’s not a bad thing) is intimidating and Hyunjin shrinks in on himself a little. “What are you doing in my cave?”

“Sorry?” Hyunjin sits up carefully. “I didn’t know this cave was taken, I just needed a place to stay for the night.”

“Well it is,” the other man says shortly. “What the hell are you even doing out here at night anyway? A tropics mer shouldn’t have wandered this far from the city -” Suddenly his eyes land on Hyunjins tail which is no longer covered by his cloak, the cloth having shifted as he sat up. The mer’s eyes widen. “Shit. You’re that fucking royal brat who ran away aren’t you?”

“What?” Hyunjin laughs nervously, carefully resituating the cloak and tucking it around his tail so that the pink scales are obscured from view. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You have  _ bright pink hair, _ covering your tail isn’t gonna do much,” he snaps. “Now get the fuck out! The last thing I need is the royal guard coming after me for kidnapping you or some shit.”

“The royal guard? They’re looking for me?”

The other mer’s laughter is loud and disbelieving. “Are you fucking stupid? You’re a fucking  _ prince _ of course they’re looking for you.”

“I thought I would have more time!” Hyunjin is doing his best not to panic, but he can’t help his body’s natural reaction. His chest is heaving as it becomes harder and harder to draw breath, and the world is going fuzzy around him.

Distantly, he hears the other man mutter a low curse, but everything is fading away as his breaths become shallower and shallower. Suddenly, though, there’s a warm hand on his back, rubbing it soothingly. It helps and as he slowly calms down he hears a concerned voice saying, “That’s it, that’s it little princeling. Deep breaths for me, okay? You’re okay, it’s all okay, just breath in, and out. In, and out.”

Listening to the voice helps bring him back to himself until he becomes aware that the person helping him is the strange mer. 

“Thank you,” he says weakly once he feels more or less like himself again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to panic it’s just -”

“Hey, no need to apologize.” The mer hasn’t moved from his side, hand still running up and down his back. “Panic attacks happen to the best of us. Just keep breathing, yeah? You’ll be alright.”

“I just… I thought it would take them longer to notice I was gone.” Hyunjin is miserable, and his voice certainly reflects that. “I’ve been hiding in my room for a week, ever since… Well, it doesn’t matter, but I thought they’d think I was still sulking and that would be that.”

The other mer is quiet for a moment before he softly says. “The way the traders told me, your fiance showed up to meet you and present the customary courting gift. When the servants went into your room to get you, you were gone. The king has sounded the alarm, and your betrothed is personally leading the search for you.”

Hyunjin buries his head in his hands. “Fuck. Fuck! I didn’t realize he was coming so soon or I would have left earlier…”

“What, you don’t like your fiance?” The other mer sounds genuinely curious, like he can’t fathom not being in love with someone you’re meant to marry.

“Please.” Hyunjin can’t help but snort derisively. “Do I like that man who is twice my age who’s been trying to get my attention since my first scale-shed? Absolutely not! The only thing that’s stopped the bastard from putting hands on me is that I made sure to always have an escort when he was visiting.” His voice grows mournful. “Father told me a week ago that we were engaged, that I’d be forced to live with that horrible mer for the rest of my life. I guess he was made an offer he couldn’t refuse.”

“Your father sold you?”

“Of course he did. I always knew I was going to have an arranged marriage, but I assumed he’d wait a little longer than my first presentation ceremony to make me a match. I also figured I’d have some input.” The other mer’s silence is disbelieving and Hyunjin can’t help but turn to him and say derisively. “What, you think I have it so good just because I’m a prince? I may live in a palace, I may be spoiled, but I’ve also known that the only thing I was good for was getting married since I was just barely older than a hatchling. Just because I live a life of comfort doesn’t mean I have control over it.”

“So you ran away.”

“Would you have done any different? I decided to take my chances, see if I could make it to the land. They wouldn’t think to follow me there - Father probably thinks I’m just sulking in a reef somewhere, even if he is mounting a search for me.”

The mer raises an eyebrow judgmentally. “You’re going to the land? What, do you actually think you’ll make it there? Do you know what direction to swim? Do you even know how the land works?”

“No,” Hyunjin admits. “But I’d rather be there and have to learn as I go than spend the rest of my days practically chained to the side of that pigfish. I took some items from the palace - rare shells and some other trinkets. I’m hoping they’re rare on land too.”

“And where do you plan to sell them? Do you even have a plan?” Hyunjin hesitates in his answer, and that seems to be enough for the other mer because he sighs heavily. “You really have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”

“As long as I’m not there,” Hyunjin replies. “As long as I’m free.”

The other mer stares at him for a long moment, then sighs again, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this,” he mutters. There's another sigh, then he looks at Hyunjin, making eye contact. “Look. I’m… Well, Im’m not the greatest of mers, okay? I’m fully willing to admit that I’ve pulled some illegal shit in my life, and I’ll probably do so again. But I know how to get to the land, and I’ve got contacts there, people that could set you up for a comfortable life. It won’t be a royal life, and you’ll probably have to get a job, but at least you won’t be here. In return, I want all of the things you took from the palace. The ones you can sell on land, the money from that can go to you. But the ones that are only expensive underwater, all of that money goes to me. Okay?”

Hyunjin stares at him. “Why would you want to help me?”

“What, no thank you?” Seeing that Hyunjin is 100% serious, the other mer sighs again. “You’re not the only one who’s run away from a life they don’t want. I just wasn’t so lucky to have someone to help me out. I had to learn the ropes on my own - but somehow, I don’t think you’ll be as good at it as I was. So I’m gonna do what I wish someone had done for me.”

He’s sincere, Hyunjin can tell, and that more than anything, more than the looming threat of his fiance, his fate, makes up his mind about accepting the offer. “Okay,” he says. “Okay. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, princeling.”

“My name is Hyunjin, not princeling.”

The mer grins cockily. “And my name is Chan, but if I was a prince and you gave me a nickname based on that I don’t think I’d complain.”

“I’m not a prince. Not anymore.”

Chan laughs. “Something tells me you’re  _ always _ going to be a prince, even if you don’t live in a castle. Now get your stuff together. If we’re headed to the land we need to get going; it’s going to take at least two weeks and I’d like to have as much of a headstart on your fiance as possible.”

_ After _

Hyunjin bucks up against the fingers inside him, squirming as he tries to get more, more,  _ more.  _ “Channie,” he whines. “Hurry up!”

“So demanding, princeling,” Chan teases, his fingers still moving slowly. “You should really be nicer, you know. After all, if I think you’re being too bratty I could always just…” He pulls his fingers out without any warning. “Stop.”

Hyunjin cries out, his hands tightening their grip on Chan’s shoulders. “No, no!” he begs. “Channie, no please, want you, want you, please!” He’s practically shaking with it, with the almost all-consuming need to be as close to Chan as possible.

Chan pretends to ponder it for a moment, before he leans down to kiss Hyunjin with a light laugh. “No need to pout. I’ll give you what you want.” He sits up and reaches for the lube, pouring some on his hand and slicking up his dick. Hyunjin whimpers as he watches him stroke himself, his hands, which fell from Chan’s shoulders when he sat up, fisting in the sheets as he resist the urge to reach out to touch.

Finally Chan decides to stop teasing him. He leans back down, pulling Hyunjin into a kiss, as he lines himself up. Hyunjin keens into his mouth when he feels the first press of Chan’s dick against him, but then Chan is pushing in and Hyunjin’s mouth parts around a silent gasp as he throws his head back at the feeling.

_ Before _

“So,” Hyunjin asks one night, about four days into their journey, when they stop to rest. “What kind of mer are you? I’ve never seen a tail like yours before.”

“I’m from the open ocean,” Chan replies as he passes over a kelp-wrapped fish for Hyunjin to eat. Hyunjin dives into his meal eagerly - it’s his favorite type of fish and he’s delighted that he can still have this little piece of his old life even if he’s left most of it behind. “My kind typically migrate between warm waters during the year, so we’re built to swim long distances. You live in what the humans call the “tropics” and your kind lives in one place so you don’t need tails as powerful as mine.”

“And your colors? Do all open ocean mers have as pretty-colored tails as you do?”

Chan laughs, somewhat sheepishly, as though he’s not sure how to take the compliment. “My tail isn’t anything special out there, that’s for sure.”

“Well,” Hyunjin says imperiously,  _ “I  _ think your tail is magnificent.”

“Thank you.” Chan’s reply comes slow, but the smile that joins it is sweet. “That means a lot.” 

Neither of them say anything else, just continue eating their food in silence, but Hyunjin doesn’t think he’s imagining the way that Chan occasionally looks over at him with a strange expression on his face.

\---

They both quickly realize that Hyunjin is next to useless when it comes to living on the run. In his defense, he’s never had to before, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling uncomfortable everytime Chan asks if he can help him with something and Hyunjin has to tell him that he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

It all builds up until it escalates about a week into their two-week journey. At this point it’s been a week since Hyunjin ran away from home, and before that it had been a week since he’d let anyone close enough to him to look after his scales. The amount of time since they’d been cared for starts to show; the color dims, the shine vanishes, as a thin layer of dirt and grime builds up.

The problem is that Hyunjin  _ doesn’t know how to make it go away. _ He doesn’t even have any scale polish with him; even if he did, he wouldn’t know the first thing about applying it. Most of the time when the servant came by to clean his tail he took a nap. For lack of knowledge of anything else to do, he’s reduced to just rubbing at the grime with his fingers and hoping it works.

He’s snuck away from the cave where they’re seeking shelter for the night to do it; he doesn’t want Chan seeing this, the poor spoiled prince who can’t even clean his own fucking tail. It’s not working though, and he’s getting more and more frustrated. A mer’s tail is their pride and joy and making sure it’s clean and presentable is important. That he can’t do it is maddening. He gets so angry he starts crying, and this is how Chan finds him.

“Hyunjin?” The other mer’s voice is soft.

“What?” he says, sniffing and turning his head to try and hide his red eyes. “What do you want?”

“Are you okay?” Chan asks, hesitating only slightly.

“What do you think?”

Another pause, then, “Can I help?”

Hyunjin laughs, the sound angry and self-deprecating. “Not unless you can teach me how to not be totally useless.”

“Well, I don’t know about  _ totally,  _ but I can definitely help with at least something.” There’s a callused hand resting softly on his shoulder and when Hyunjin turns his head Chan is smiling gently at him and holding out a small jar. “It’s scale polish. I can teach you how to use it.”

Hyunjin sniffs again and wipes at his eyes. Mers can’t cry tears, at least not wet ones in the way that humans do, but the feeling of crying was irritating. “You must think I’m so pathetic,” he says. “A mer who can’t even take care of their own tail.”

Chan shakes his head. “No. I think you’re someone who was sheltered your entire life. I think you were purposely spoiled so that you couldn’t ever survive outside of the palace. And I think that it’s so incredibly brave of you to stand up to their plans for you and decide to choose the unknown instead of the life you’ve always lived.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Now come on, let’s head back to the cave. I’ve got a scale brush there as well that you’ll need to make your scales  _ really  _ shine.”

_ After _

Chan fucks him slow, dragging each push into him out at an almost maddening pace. It feels incredible, like nothing Hyunjin has ever felt before. His nails are digging into Chan’s back as he clings to him; right now, Chan is the only thing keeping him anchored, grounded. He kisses that feeling into Chan’s mouth, trying to convey every emotion swirling through his head. Chan kisses back just as fiercely, a reciprocating message that makes Hyunjin feel safe and secure in ways he was  _ never  _ able to feel in the palace.

Abruptly, Hyunjin realizes that it feels like he’s standing on a cliff. Behind him is everything he has ever known. In front of him is s void; he doesn’t know the height of the cliff, doesn’t know how far away the bottom is. He does know that Chan will catch him if he falls, catch him and keep him safe and never let him go.

He jumps.

_ Before _

After that it’s like something is flipped and their relationship changes, grows in ways Hyunjin would never have expected. Suddenly, where Chan was merely polite to him before, he’s now being treated like a friend would be. There’s an edge to it beyond that - Hyunjin occasionally catches Chan looking at him when he thinks he won’t be noticed - but overall it’s nice. Hyunjin isn’t sure he’s ever had a real friend before, not one who wasn’t also his brother.

A week passes like this, with Hyunjin reveling in actually having a friend and Chan slowly guiding him, teaching him how to function when he has to do things for himself. Hyunjin starts noticing the change in the ocean as they travel further and further away from his old home. The water is lighter, shallower. The fish are a bit brighter, although he still sees some of his favorite species swimming around. The reefs are as colorful as ever, but something about them is just  _ different _ this close to the surface; he can’t put his finger on it, just knows that there’s something.

Finally, it's the big day. The day Hyunjin leaves the water behind forever. He hates that thought, hates the idea of leaving his home and never being able to return, but he’s also not entirely foolish and naive; if he ever goes back in the water there’s a chance that his father will be able to find him. He can’t risk it. He’s so close to - well, not happiness, exactly, but not pure misery either. He won’t risk that.

Chan guides them to what he says is a secluded cove, somewhere where no humans will be around to see them. From here it’s a short walk to a human house where Hyunjin will stay while he adapts to having legs.

“I’m going to go first,” Chan says when they pop their heads out of the water, sitting on the sand as far into the shallows as they can possible swim. In order to go any further with a tail they would have to drag themselves up and out of the surf. Luckily, the transition from a tail to legs, something that every mer can do even if most don’t, can take place while they’re still in the water. Chan had told Hyunjin, somewhat derisively, that some humans thought that mers needed to be completely dry to turn human. They’d both gotten a good laugh out of it. “Once I’m human, I’ll help you.” He hesitates slightly. “You know it’s going to hurt, right? It won’t after this if you ever change again, but the first time hurts like nothing else I’ve ever felt.”

“Oh.” Hyunjin hadn’t known that. He swallows nervously. “Really?”

Chan nods. “It’s not for long but it’s painful. After this you’ll be able to shift back and forth without pain though. My… someone I used to know always joked that our bodies pack all the pain of every transition we ever make into the first shift and that it would really be nicer if we could spread it out to just mild discomfort every time.”

He seems sad at whatever memory is cycling through his head, so Hyunjin takes his hand and squeezes it. “I’m ready,” he says, even if he’s not sure he actually is.

“Right. Here I go.”

Hyunjin has never seen someone shift before and it’s both exactly and not at all like how he imagined it. The actual shift itself is hard to conceptualize; he’s looking at Chan, watching his body change, but it’s like his mind is incapable of processing what he’s seeing. One minute he’s looking at a deep blue tail, the next Chan is standing on two legs. They’re as muscular as the tail was (at least Hyunjin thinks they are; he doesn’t exactly have any frame of reference for what the average human leg looks like), and Chan flexes his... toes? Is that what they’re called?

Chan smiles at him. “Ready?”

“Yeah. How do I -”

“It’s almost like wishing. You need to see yourself with legs, picture it as clearly as you can in your head. Once the transformation starts it can’t be stopped, so even if you lose the image you’ll still end up with legs instead of a tail.”

“Okay.” Hyunjin nods, more to convince himself he’ll be okay than Chan. He squeezes his eyes shut. “Here goes nothing.”

He’s picturing legs, legs like Chan’s, hoping that he’s somehow doing this right even if he feels somewhat foolish, when suddenly there’s a white-hot stab of pain in his tail. He cries out, doubling in on himself, as the pain grows, increasing from one spot on his tail to the entire length of it. 

Distantly he’s aware that he’s crying, eyes stinging with tears that can’t be seen underwater. There’s a steady pressure on his hand, like someone is holding it, but he can barely think of anything beyond the pain that threatens to tear him apart.

As suddenly as it started, the pain stops. His senses start fading back in - the irritation of his eyes, the feeling of a firm hand in his, a low voice murmuring soothingly, the water as it rushes past his tail.. Although there’s something that’s not right about that. Something feels wrong. 

His eyes snap open again as he starts to panic. The first thing he sees is Chan looking… proud? Why is he proud?

The next thing he sees, when he looks down at his tail, isn’t actually a tail at all. “Oh my god,” he says as everything comes rushing back. “Oh my god, I did it.”

He looks up at Chan, a beaming smile on his face, then back down at his legs. Experimentally, he tries to wiggle his toes, giggling when they move. “I did it,” he says breathlessly. “I  _ actually _ did it!”

“Yeah,” says Chan, smiling back just as happily. “You did.”

\---

Even though, in Hyunjin’s opinion, his legs are very nice, they’re not really capable of walking yet. He manages a few shaky steps with Chan’s coaxing before they give out underneath him. He’s embarrassed about it, but Chan just laughs and assures him that everyone has trouble walking the first time the change. Then, as if Hyunjin’s cheeks weren’t already flaming red, he sweeps him up into his arms and carries him up the beach.

The house Chan takes him to is visible from the water. It’s nothing like the houses where Hyunjin is from, which are hollowed from cave walls and decorated with shells and pearls. It’s made of wood, of all things, and instead of having solid walls, with kelp-curtain doors, there are holes all over the building. They’ve been filled in with glass - windows, Chan calls them. They’re supposed to let you see outside so you can see how pretty it is. Hyunjin likes that; he thinks that maybe windows would be nice inside the palace.

Chan puts him down on a bench - it’s soft, softer than anything Hyunjin has ever felt, and he wonders how mers can consider humans to be beneath them when they’ve invented things that feel as nice as  _ this  _ \- and disappears into another room. When he comes back he’s got some sort of weird material covering his legs and chest. It looks like cloth but not like any kind Hyunjin has ever seen and he doesn’t understand why Chan is wearing it. It’s not like there were any deformities on his body that he might want to hide, after all.

He holds out something similar to Hyunjin. “Here, put this on. It goes over your head, and then your arms go in the smaller holes.”

“Why do I have to wear this?” Hyunjin eyes the fabric with distaste but does as he’s told. It’s actually pretty soft and he doesn’t mind wearing it but he’s still confused as to why he  _ has  _ to.

“Humans wear them. They’re pretty concerned with keeping themselves covered; if you don’t wear a shirt and pants, like I am, out of the house you can get arrested. Best to get used to wearing it now if you’re planning to stick around here long term.”

That’s when it really hits Hyunjin - this is  _ forever. _ He’d known that, instinctively, but somehow it hadn’t really been real to him until just now. Panic begins to overtake him again; if he can barely survive on his own as a mermaid, how can he live as a human?

Chan seems to pick up on this sudden shift in his mood. He sits next to him and takes his hand. “Hey, don’t worry. You’ll be okay here, I promise.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing!”

“I know. That’s why I’m going to stick around for a bit, teach you the ropes.”

Hyunjin’s head snaps to look at Chan. “Really?”

He nods. “I figured you’d need a hand, and I need to help you sell those things you stole from the palace anyway. I’m not on any kind of schedule, so I can head back into the ocean once you’ve got the hang of things. Besides, I want to see the look on your face when you get to try human food.”

Chan flashes Hyunjin a teasing grin and Hyunjin feels something in his chest catch. Oh. Oh no. He knows what this is, and he doesn’t like it.

Why now? Why does he have to realize this about himself  _ now  _ of all times? Why not several months from now when it probably won’t hurt as bad?

Why does he have to discover that he’s quite definitely in love with Chan when Chan has just confirmed that their time together is limited?

_ After _

When Hyunjin comes, it wracks his whole body. He arches up into Chan, grip vice-like on his shoulders as he cries out. Chan is close too; his hips are stuttering in their rhythm and it doesn’t take much more than Hyunjin clenching up around him to push him over the edge as well. Hyunjin is just riding out the aftermath of his orgasm by that point, body teetering on that edge between pleasure and overstimulation as Chan keeps fucking into him.

Finally they’re both sated and Chan pulls out just enough to roll to the side and collapse on the bed next to Hyunjin, who immediately wraps around him like an octopus. He nuzzles his head into the nape of Chan’s neck. “Love you,” he mumbles.

Chan laughs, tired but content, and runs his hand gently through Hyunjin’s hair. “Love you too, darling.”

_ Before _

Settling into his new life as a human is surprisingly easier than Hyunjin had imagined. Chan is there with him every step of the way, from learning how to walk, to going out in public for the first time. Hyunjin grudgingly learns to tolerate clothes, although when he’s at the house, just him and Chan he prefers to wear just a long shirt and nothing else.

Every day is, however, shadowed with the knowledge that Chan will be leaving him, most likely sooner rather than later. He never knew that falling in love could be this painful - every story his nursemaids ever told him had a happy ending, after all. His own story, it seems, is destined to be different.

The tipping point comes the night Chan lets him try alcohol. They don’t really have drinks of any kind in the mer world, so the first time Hyunjin had tried water he’d been equal parts confused and elated. He’d eagerly demanded to try every kind of drink the human world had had to offer. That had been when they went for their first grocery run, leaving the store with every kind of juice, milk, or soda they could find. Some were delicious, others not so much (Hyunjin had found himself with a particular fondness for apple juice and a distaste for coffee) but none of them had been alcoholic. Chan had insisted that they save that for a special occasion.

Alcohol, they quickly find out, affects Hyunjin strongly. He’s barely had half a glass, but the world feels kind of floaty and soft. He sighs, running his hand back and forth along the fabric of what he’s learned is called a couch.

“You good, Princeling?” Chan asks, a teasing note to his voice.

Hyunjin pouts. “Don’t call me tha’, I’m no’ a prince.”

Chan laughs. “Oh, you’re really drunk, aren’t you? Come on, let’s get you to bed and pray you don’t have a killer hangover after half a glass of wine.”

“Noooo!” Hyunjin whines as Chan tries to lift him from the couch. “Don’t wanna go to bed, wanna stay with Channie.”   
  


“Really? You want to stay with me?”

Hyunjin nods vigorously. “Cause, ‘Cause… ‘cause you’re gonna leave and I don’  _ want _ you to go but you don’ wanna stay with  _ me.” _

“You think I don’t want to stay with you?” Chan’s voice is quiet, subdued, almost sad. Hyunjin doesn’t like it; Chan should be happy all the time.

“Course you don’, I’m jus a spoiled fuck - fucking prince,” Hyunjin spits. “An’ - an’ I love you  _ so  _ much, wanna kiss you  _ all the time,  _ but you don’ feel like tha’ so you’re gonna  _ leave _ and I don’  _ want you to.” _

Chan’s voice breaks. “Hyunjin…”

Hyunjin hiccups and it’s like a spell has been broken. “Tired,” he mumbles. “Gonna go to sleep now.” And then, like magic, he does.

\---

When Hyunjin wakes the next morning he has the headache to end all headaches. It’s like there's a drummer inside his mind, banging merrily away. He groans and rolls over, doing his best to go back to sleep.

When he wakes up next, his head feels mostly better, even if it still aches a little. Now he mostly just feels confusion. Why can’t he remember anything from last night? The last thing he can recall is Chan pouring him a glass of a deep red, somewhat sour smelling, drink. What happened to get him into bed?

“Oh, good, you’re awake,” Chan says. Hyunjin looks up to see him standing in the doorway to the room. “How’s your head?”

“Better than the last time I woke up,” Hyunjin replies, voice raspy. He clears his throat, then tries speaking again. “What happened last night?”

Chan’s smile goes brittle and he shakes his head. “Tell you in a bit. Go shower, clean yourself up, you’ll feel better. I’m making breakfast.”

Hyunjin does as he says, putting on his softest and largest shirt. He doesn’t think he’s going to be going anywhere today, so he doesn’t bother with underwear or pants. If Chan insists on dragging him out of the house for some reason, he can always get fully dressed then.

When he gets out to the main room, an open kitchen/sitting room, Chan is standing over a bowl of what looks like pancake batter. For a moment Hyunjin is excited - he  _ loves _ pancakes; they’re one of the best parts about being human - but then he sees the death grip Chan has on the whisk.

“Chan?” he asks, concerned. “Are you okay?”

Chan takes a deep breath. “Hyunjin I have to tell you something.”

“Ok.” Hyunjin feels dread fill him; he did something stupid last night didn’t he, and now Chan has finally decided to leave. “What is it?”

“It’s about last night. I - fuck.” He puts the whisk down but doesn’t turn around. The set of his body, his stance, is determined, but there’s a slight tremor of fear in his balled-up fists. “Did you mean what you said?”

“Um…” Hyunjin laughs nervously. “Chan, I don’t really remember last night. What  _ did  _ I say?”

“You said… You said you loved me.”

“Oh.” All the air leaves Hyunjin at once; this is so much worse than he thought it would be. “O-oh.” He staggers backwards, practically falling into a large, plush chair. “Um…”

“Because… Because if you meant it, I just want to say that. Me too. I. I love you too.”

What.

“No,” he practically whispers. “You - you can’t, you… Please tell me you’re not joking.”

Chan shakes his head, still not turning to look at Hyunjin. “I’m… I’m not. Which is why… I wanted to ask if you’d be okay if I stayed here. I really… I really don’t want to leave you.”

“Oh.” Hyunjin can’t help it: he starts to laugh, at the absurdity of them both pining in silence, of them wanting to stay together and thinking the other wanted to separate. “Oh my god.”

“Is that your answer?” Chan’s voice is stiff; he clearly still thinks that Hyunjin was messing with him, that he’s going to have to go back to the ocean when all Hyunjin wants is for him to stay  _ right here. _

“Chan.” His voice is soft and sweet and hopeful and when Chan turns to look at him his smile matches. “Channie, can you come here?”

Obediently Chan walks over to him, lowering himself to kneel in front of Hyunjin’s chair. “Princeling,” he says, voice shaking slightly. “What can I do for you?”

He reaches out a hand and combs it through Chan’s unruly curls before cradling his cheek. “I love you.”

“Mm.” Chan’s hands are on his thighs; at Hyunjin’s words their grip tightens slightly, a grounding presence that tells Hyunjin even without words that Chan feels the same. He smiles up at Hyunjin, pure happiness and disbelief and joy. “As I love you.”

“Stay with me.” It’s not a question, not a command, just a statement. They both know that Chan doesn’t need an order to agree.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> i've wanted to write a mermaid fic for-fucking-ever (I LOVE mermaids it's honestly a bit of a problem) and I'm really happy that this gets to be my first (and hopefully not only) mermaid fic. considering how stressed I was about writing it I think it turned out pretty okay.
> 
> in case it wasn't clear, chan is a smuggler who moves goods between the human and mer worlds. he's only half mer (on his mother's side) and his father's side is kind of rich so that's why he's able to keep such a nice house. plus, you know, selling pearls and such. 
> 
> (also his father and mother weren't married; he's the result of a one night stand and his father was less than thrilled to have a child who was only half human and his mother's family wasn't happy about him only being half mer so chan isn't really close to any of his relatives (although his mother is absolutely lovely). his mother's side is polite but distant. his father just sends him a large sum of money every few months and hopes chan never tries to crash a family reunion or anything)
> 
> please leave comments/kudos as they help motivate me to keep writing!!


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